Today has been a difficult Smommy day for me. I believe that there are certain things that, as a stepmom, will be a lot more difficult to get over and work past than others. The fact that neither one of my children is biologically mine, has been one of those challenges. But I think the biggest challenge in both my personal life, as well as in my profession, is getting over that some parents only pretend to be parents.
I would bend over backwards for either one of my children. I would protect them at all costs. But even more than that, my greatest goal is to see them achieve and succeed, and to be a part of that is the most rewarding thing I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of.
So when we go to school events and we get to see all their hard work and how much they are learning, there is a sense of pride that we are doing something right at home. Neither one of my children had the greatest home life, starting out. And one of my sons still has many struggles to overcome; so to see them at their finest moments is such a blessing and a relief, that they are not just surviving, but thriving.
But there's times when the other bio-parent gets in the way of that. I try my hardest to focus only on my children, but there has been spun a web of lies about me that is very difficult to swallow. When you know the truth about someone, watching them spin their bullshit to everyone around you is a difficult thing to listen to and watch. Even as a teacher, I can see which parents are involved, both positively and negatively, and which ones are just letting their children scrap by. It angers me to a point of retreat from the world, because I can't stand the disappointment. I can't stand the fact that I can't save them all.
I will not ever get the chance to have biological children; a realization that is very painful for me to bear. I cannot tell you how many times I've researched how to change it, fix it, prayed for it; but for some reason it is not in the cards for me. Watching all of these parents pretend to care, pretend to be there is that much harder to swallow because in my opinion they don't deserve the wonderful gift they were given. These people who shouldn't have kids can have them in dozens; while I suffer, childless, to watch parents cast their children aside; those same kids who deserve love, attention, guidance, and so much more than what they are given.
Watching from the outside is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. In reflection of this realization, I guess my challenge to you, is to be there. Don't be absent, physically or mentally. Even if you only have your stepchild periodically, or EOW, show them that you are there, always. Use the time you are given to give them the things they need, the love they need, that they may not be getting elsewhere. You may not be able to make a difference everywhere, but it starts with one.
Don't waste what you are given. They need you.
Be Brave,
Smommy Meredith
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