You will find that I talk a lot about my youngest son, Austin. Although, I love both sons equally and treat them both the same, there are several reasons why you won't read much about my oldest, Brian. First and foremost, its out of respect for his mother. I do not know, and nor will I ever ask, how she would feel about me posting on my blog about him. As a set of four parents, we have a working relationship and the last thing I need is to throw a wrench in such a delicate relationship. There are enough outside forces to do that for us.
But the main reason that I won't talk about him as much is because when I met my husband, Brian's situation was already pretty stable. Gavin and his ex-wife had already been divorced for 5 years when we met and they have pretty much worked out the visitation and financial responsibility before I ever entered the picture. Even though the situation is in no way perfect, it works a majority of the time. And for the last several years we have had a minimum amount of problems, most of which could be solved through a few text messages.
Most of my learning experiences came through Austin's situation, so when I refer to things that I've learned while being a smommy, it will probably have to do with Austin. I had been with my husband for 2 months when we gained primary custody of Austin. He was not in the greatest shape and I quickly learned a LOT about being a mom and stepmom. Those are the experiences that I wish to share with other smommies; what I learned, how I would have done it differently, what was my proudest moment in that situation, etc.
We have to stick together somehow, and building a relationship on understanding is the first step. I think.
Be Brave,
Smommy Meredith
Friday, December 19, 2014
Monday, December 15, 2014
From the Beginning...
Where do I even start with this blog?
Five years ago, had you told me that I would be the stepmother to two little boys I would have asked you what you were smoking. I was newly married to my first husband, and I was madly in love with him. He was my present and future and there wasn't anything anyone could say or do to change that. Except for him.
The divorce came as a surprise to me. I was incredibly heartbroken; I was a divorced woman at the age of twenty-three. We were only married nine months, and my happily-ever-after, Cinderella fairytale wedding had been wasted on a man who didn't seem two give two shits about me. It shattered everything I knew about myself. It changed the way I saw the world, myself, and my future. So with the help of my wonderful granny, who had been there, and my supportive parents (married 30 years), I began to rebuild and restructure. And that's when I met my current and last husband.
He was the father of two little boys, each with a different mother. The path he had traveled was extremely different from mine, and it opened my eyes and my mind to things that I would have never imagined. You see, my husband had led a life of misfortune and bad decisions. He got married at a young age, had a child at an even younger age, rebounded from the failing of his marriage and ended up with another child that he wasn't ready for. It seemed as though with every decision, came an even tougher consequence, no matter how hard he tried to make the right one. After watching his oldest go through the torment and stress of living in a split household, he stayed in an abusive and unhealthy relationship for far too long, hoping that he was doing the right thing for his second child. But unfortunately, that situation ended up worse than the first.
When I met my husband, Austin, his youngest child was in a heaping amount of pain. He was torn between mom and dad, and his birth mother was almost invisible. Austin was a troubled and difficult child, with temper tantrums that could last for days and a scream that would split your ear drum in two. His situation was so unstable, that Austin was unstable in every aspect of his life; mentally, emotionally, physically. I found myself in the middle of a disaster, with my own storm still raging, and without any tools to prepare myself for what was to come.
So, what is the point of my sharing all of this with you? At SEVERAL points in this journey, the one I CHOSE and wouldn't trade, I found myself feeling lonely. Not because I wasn't spending time with my kids; not because I wasn't getting attention from my husband; not because my family wasn't supportive; but because I didn't know anyone who had "been there, done that." My goal in sharing these stories, these ups and downs, hardships and triumphs, is that you, as a stepmom, can feel that someone is in your corner. Someone understands. Someone is there to help cheer you on.
I'm not here to bash the birth mothers that have entered and exited my life; so if that's what you are looking for, keep moving.
I'm here to band together, with like minds, like hearts, with a group of amazing women who have stepped up to the challenge and have bettered their lives and the lives of their families. I hope that in sharing my struggles and happiness, it will encourage you to keep pushing for yours.
Stick around...there's more to come.
Be Brave,
Smommy Meredith
Five years ago, had you told me that I would be the stepmother to two little boys I would have asked you what you were smoking. I was newly married to my first husband, and I was madly in love with him. He was my present and future and there wasn't anything anyone could say or do to change that. Except for him.
The divorce came as a surprise to me. I was incredibly heartbroken; I was a divorced woman at the age of twenty-three. We were only married nine months, and my happily-ever-after, Cinderella fairytale wedding had been wasted on a man who didn't seem two give two shits about me. It shattered everything I knew about myself. It changed the way I saw the world, myself, and my future. So with the help of my wonderful granny, who had been there, and my supportive parents (married 30 years), I began to rebuild and restructure. And that's when I met my current and last husband.
He was the father of two little boys, each with a different mother. The path he had traveled was extremely different from mine, and it opened my eyes and my mind to things that I would have never imagined. You see, my husband had led a life of misfortune and bad decisions. He got married at a young age, had a child at an even younger age, rebounded from the failing of his marriage and ended up with another child that he wasn't ready for. It seemed as though with every decision, came an even tougher consequence, no matter how hard he tried to make the right one. After watching his oldest go through the torment and stress of living in a split household, he stayed in an abusive and unhealthy relationship for far too long, hoping that he was doing the right thing for his second child. But unfortunately, that situation ended up worse than the first.
When I met my husband, Austin, his youngest child was in a heaping amount of pain. He was torn between mom and dad, and his birth mother was almost invisible. Austin was a troubled and difficult child, with temper tantrums that could last for days and a scream that would split your ear drum in two. His situation was so unstable, that Austin was unstable in every aspect of his life; mentally, emotionally, physically. I found myself in the middle of a disaster, with my own storm still raging, and without any tools to prepare myself for what was to come.
So, what is the point of my sharing all of this with you? At SEVERAL points in this journey, the one I CHOSE and wouldn't trade, I found myself feeling lonely. Not because I wasn't spending time with my kids; not because I wasn't getting attention from my husband; not because my family wasn't supportive; but because I didn't know anyone who had "been there, done that." My goal in sharing these stories, these ups and downs, hardships and triumphs, is that you, as a stepmom, can feel that someone is in your corner. Someone understands. Someone is there to help cheer you on.
I'm not here to bash the birth mothers that have entered and exited my life; so if that's what you are looking for, keep moving.
I'm here to band together, with like minds, like hearts, with a group of amazing women who have stepped up to the challenge and have bettered their lives and the lives of their families. I hope that in sharing my struggles and happiness, it will encourage you to keep pushing for yours.
Stick around...there's more to come.
Be Brave,
Smommy Meredith
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)