Five years ago, had you told me that I would be the stepmother to two little boys I would have asked you what you were smoking. I was newly married to my first husband, and I was madly in love with him. He was my present and future and there wasn't anything anyone could say or do to change that. Except for him.
The divorce came as a surprise to me. I was incredibly heartbroken; I was a divorced woman at the age of twenty-three. We were only married nine months, and my happily-ever-after, Cinderella fairytale wedding had been wasted on a man who didn't seem two give two shits about me. It shattered everything I knew about myself. It changed the way I saw the world, myself, and my future. So with the help of my wonderful granny, who had been there, and my supportive parents (married 30 years), I began to rebuild and restructure. And that's when I met my current and last husband.
He was the father of two little boys, each with a different mother. The path he had traveled was extremely different from mine, and it opened my eyes and my mind to things that I would have never imagined. You see, my husband had led a life of misfortune and bad decisions. He got married at a young age, had a child at an even younger age, rebounded from the failing of his marriage and ended up with another child that he wasn't ready for. It seemed as though with every decision, came an even tougher consequence, no matter how hard he tried to make the right one. After watching his oldest go through the torment and stress of living in a split household, he stayed in an abusive and unhealthy relationship for far too long, hoping that he was doing the right thing for his second child. But unfortunately, that situation ended up worse than the first.
When I met my husband, Austin, his youngest child was in a heaping amount of pain. He was torn between mom and dad, and his birth mother was almost invisible. Austin was a troubled and difficult child, with temper tantrums that could last for days and a scream that would split your ear drum in two. His situation was so unstable, that Austin was unstable in every aspect of his life; mentally, emotionally, physically. I found myself in the middle of a disaster, with my own storm still raging, and without any tools to prepare myself for what was to come.
So, what is the point of my sharing all of this with you? At SEVERAL points in this journey, the one I CHOSE and wouldn't trade, I found myself feeling lonely. Not because I wasn't spending time with my kids; not because I wasn't getting attention from my husband; not because my family wasn't supportive; but because I didn't know anyone who had "been there, done that." My goal in sharing these stories, these ups and downs, hardships and triumphs, is that you, as a stepmom, can feel that someone is in your corner. Someone understands. Someone is there to help cheer you on.
I'm not here to bash the birth mothers that have entered and exited my life; so if that's what you are looking for, keep moving.
I'm here to band together, with like minds, like hearts, with a group of amazing women who have stepped up to the challenge and have bettered their lives and the lives of their families. I hope that in sharing my struggles and happiness, it will encourage you to keep pushing for yours.
Stick around...there's more to come.
Be Brave,
Smommy Meredith
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